What 2010 holds in store for me.

I stopped setting concrete goals for myself a couple of years ago after realising that the failure to meet those goals were just making me miserable. I think goals can only work if you feel that your life needs abit of a pick-me-up or renewed spirit. In my case, I had to learn to appreciate more of what I had around me and what I had accomplished so far in my life. Goals were just pulling me away from seeing this and instead, made me feel that I hadn't done enough. This might motivate somebody. It only depressed me even more.
So for 2010 its all about getting to know myself in the way things are for me now. That is, with a baby on board, with the prospect of major career changes as a result of that, and with a new perspective on how I make time for myself in between rigid daily routines. There are things Id like to do of course, but I want to be able to fit it into pockets of my life without overfilling them. And they are the kind of things Ive always known I'd do sooner or later, somewhere down the road. The things Id like to do more in 2010 are things that Ive been waiting to do, rather than hoping or wanting to do, or wondering what it would be like if I did them. Does that make any sense at all?
So here's what 2010 has in store for me
1. More creativity at home. I ordered this book recently and can't wait to get stuck into it. Its been a dream of mine to have a family that really enjoys making stuff and having a home that welcomes this.
2.Be more assertive. Motherhood has left me no option.
3.Be more giving. It's something that everyone should do, but it helps when you're doing it from a 'good place' in your life. In other words, when you're able to put what is in your own interests aside for a moment, in order to help somebody else. In the end, a magical thing happens: that is in your own interest.
4. Have little daily habits to avoid feeling lost. If there is any goal-setting going on in my life, this would be the closest thing to it. I'm trying to spread out basic housechores like washing dishes, to a specific time of day that doesn't get in the way of more enjoyable activities. I wash dishes, put dirty laundry in, and put away baby toys each night before I go to bed. It then avoids me from ever turning down an invitation to go out because I have to clean the house. Soulcrushing indeed.
5. Get to know myself abit more. Quit fiddling about with the way I am. Work on what I can do rather than what I can't do.

What are your resolutions, if any, for 2010?

I've seen the light!

Taking advantage of Isaacs afternoon naps by painting rather than doing housechores. Because Ive discovered that doing housechores is soulcrushing. As long as I don't resort to using my bathtub for dirty dishes, burpcloths for napkins and diapercream for face moisturiser.
All of which have happened, because of my flurry to get things done whenever I get the chance. There's no point in me even trying. When I do, its all in a caffeine-fuelled haze of randomness. I never get anything done properly, and Id rather get one thing done properly and leave everything else for another day. Laundry can wait. Getting out of my pyjamas and dressed for the day maybe not. It's all a question of priority.

Do I have a story to tell?

I do, as Im sure everyone does, even if they don't quite know how to tell it. Or who to tell it to.
My story is in the questions I constantly feel the need to ask because I cant help being curious.
It's in my unfinished projects
It's in the guilt I feel for not being giving enough.
It's in the daily efforts to try and not take a peek into the future and focus on the present. And the present is best when it involves generous servings of tea and biscuits, books ordered from Amazon, and a line up of artsy projects waiting, anticipating...
It's in my growing acceptance that I might not necessarily be liked or understood by every person I meet.
And that I might not necessarily like or understand every person I meet either.
Everyday for me is a draft of a chapter, of a story, of a book. Of my life. Out of the millions of books outthere, theres a little space on a shelf for me, perhaps in a sunny spot, next to a window overlooking a pretty garden with climbing roses and giant azaleas.
And it wouldnt matter if nobody read it.Or knew of its existence. Nobody goes to libraries these days anyway.
It would be dedicated to Isaac. Because ultimately, he is the story i have to tell.

Light! Colour! Action!

With the right light I can look like I've slept really well. Plus it makes Isaacs head fuzz look like hair.

Last Sunday, we were invited by friends to go to Lisbon Contemporary Art fair. My first gut reaction was to pee in my pants with fear. Isaac did the peeing for me. On my pants. But thankfully the fear part was shortlived. Apart from this blog, it had been the first really interesting thing I had done since Isaac came into our lives.
There were allsorts of wierd and wonderful stuff on show and Im sure my babymaking antics have irreversibly changed the way I look at art. First off, I spent more time trying to find anything with lots of bright colours because that was what Isaac got a kick out of. Secondly I didnt find myself thinking about any of it in the way that I would have done before. My ability to think has been drastically reduced to the contents of my childs diaper and what time I last 'boobed' him (my new word for nursing) But as terrible as it may seem, I actually enjoyed my time more. We didnt get to see everything, which I would have exhausted myself into doing before. Instead I felt happy just knowing that I was there, regardless of not being able to process it all and regardless of how little I saw. The friends that came with us, brought their one year old son and it felt good to be able to share our interests with like minded people. It felt reassuring to me too, that going out doesn't necessarily have to be confined to Mcdonalds, parks with too much dog poop and family restaurants with screaming children.
In the end Isaac enjoyed looking at so many lovely bold colours. And we both enjoyed getting out of the house for a change too.

Papas got a brand new baby

In all the hullabaloo of happy sad tears, exploding diapers at three in the morning (followed by leaking boobs that would make the fountains of Trafalgar Square look like a lame trickle), I may have lost sight of a certain husband of mine. Antonio (aka Mr T)did what could only be just about the most natural thing any new pappy in his situation would do; go to work each day whilst secretly hoping his insane wife with the insane hair and the mismatched socks would start to smile again. Not the deranged googly eyed please-somebody-help-me-I'm-going-insane smile, but the smile that made him fall in love with her seven years ago. And last week, he finally got it. And now I've finally started to notice him as the man I fell in love with seven years ago too. Even amongst the projectile puke/pyrotechnic show of a smiling baby, and the aforementioned exploding diapers (which I really didn't need to mention again but that's all my brain seems to want to think about these days)he never lets a day go by without telling me what a cracking looking bird I am. Maybe not in those words exactly seeing as he's Portuguese and not a fruitseller from South London, but I thought I'd be creative.In other words, he still thinks I'm beautiful. Which is something I feel every mama should hear from their partners, particularly when they feel like crap in those early post-partum days and let's face it, look abit crap too.
It hasn't just been this though that has helped me so much. And it hasn't just been the support of friends and family that I've mentioned previously. It's the realisation that Mr T and Isaac are also my rock, my backbone, my source of everlasting support too. I might not have my mum and dad nearby, but I have husband and I have my son, and now that my maternal instinct is starting to kick in, I'm starting to trust my own abilities too. It took about six weeks, but I made it. I'm not as clueless as I thought I was. But even if I was, I'm okay with it. And that just feels superduper.

Here's a song me and Antonio listened to alot back when we lived together in the U.K. We still listen to it in the car. i thought I'd share it with you. It's the kind of ditty that rocks our boat. And my little wonderboy doesn't think it's too bad either. Eventhough I do still worry about his sudden liking for Kate Bush (courtesy of VH1 during tummy time)

Enjoy.

The rock in the storm

I got a phonecall from Natalie the other day. She told me after visiting my blog that she was starting to get worried. I told her that perhaps my posts were starting to veer towards the suicidal and we both laughed. She told me, I had to let it out one way or another. So true.
And that got me thinking. About letting things out. And about having friends who care. About finding a soft place to fall into when feeling like crap and and climb out of when you want to put up a fight and say "I've just about had enough of this depression malarky". I put myself out there, i admitted to my own weaknesses, because i wanted to know how much people care. And they do. They help in whatever small way they can. despite the distance,the busy schedule despite the uncertainty of not knowing how to. I didnt have to ask for it. But if i did it was welcomed as an invitation to get together rather than a quick exchange of "call me if you need anything" which usually means "I know shes not gonna call, but she cant say I didnt tell her, and at least I'll go to heaven for being such a lovely friend". What a load of pants. And thank God I dont have friends who do that. Anyway,I think all of this stems from the crash course in Motherhood for Dummies over the last seven weeks and how it has brought home a truth thats both beautiful and downright ugly as hell. The beautiful part is seeing my dysfunctional family becoming somewhat functional again, all because of Isaac. Its amazing how a baby can heal old wounds. After years and years of bitterness, I finally let my mum do what she has wanted to do for so long and that is to take care of me and guide me. That one precious week that they were here, was chicken soup for my frazzled soul. I let my mum be my mum and she did a grand job.It wasnt just my family though that came out of the woodworks to lift me out of the headfog. Having people who I wouldnt have considered as close friends, turning up at our door with bags of grocery shopping, and minestrone soup. Thats what did it for me. Thats what I call a beautiful thing. I didnt need to prove anything to them or to myself. That is where the ugly part lies.
Ive felt at times that, as a new mother, Ive had to prove that I can manage because its my bed and I have to lie in it. Its like somebody has awarded me with a badge of invisibility which Im supposed to wear with pride, when in reality i want to throw it back in their face and say " Who says that just because Ive had a baby I cant still be vulnerable and afraid and well...normal?" Those that have helped, the friends that have stood by me, that have called and emailed and commented on my blog, and my functional one of a kind family, theyve all allowed me to winge, moan , complain, get it all wrong without a condescending bone in their collective bodies. The ugly part is when I can't be normal in front of certain people.Particularly other mothers. Because of that bloody badge of invisibility stamped on my backside. The unspoken amendment that says all new mothers must endure being ignored, being judged and being spoken down to. They must accept that all kind offers for help without any intention whatsoever of actually helping, is all a completely normal part of being a new mum. Thats the ugly truth. And for me, its downright hideous because I dont even come from this country. And believe me, its one thing being a foreigner in a foreign land, but a mother? The invisibility badge is more like a brown paper bag over my head. Theres no honour in that.
Well. Im here to tell you, that I want to quit focusing on the ugly and start paying more attention to the beautiful. Where I can winge, moan, laugh, cry and be human, because there is nothing that has prepared me to be more human than when I brought this child into the world. I have to be myself ultimately. It would be a disservice to my son, to turn into a not so super, supermum. I'd rather just be Khairun.

Despite my insane lack of mummy skills

for which my mum has given me hell for, he's coming along quite nicely. In fact, I think even he likes me.
And that feels great.
My parents have stayed with us for the last week. They're leaving tomorrow. That is pretty much why I haven't been blogging of late. That and just about managing to stumble through the day with a beautiful baby that I'm totally petrified of messing up. A major mental distraction to say the least. My mum has helped me hugely, with all the intuition of a woman who has raised five children. On top of that she looked after me too, letting me sleep that much needed extra hour or so, cooking and cleaning. Its been great.
I dont think theyll come back again though. The cultural differences make them feel really uncomfortable and out of place. Hopefully I'll visit them as soon as Isaac is big enough.
Theres alot more I want to write but I think I'll leave it for now. My mums watching the national geographic channel, dubbed over in Portuguese, so she keeps asking me what they're saying. My dad's having a siesta after a stroll around the town.
I'm gonna miss them. But I'm going to do all I can to hang in there.

Mums don't cry

But this one did. Alot. So if you want to read something to put a spring in your step then I suggest you quit here, because I am having one of those days.
My crankiness starts to creep in as the evening approaches, when the sky turns a beautiful shade of grapefruit pink and the apartment cools down after four hours of penetrating sunrays beating down on our hardwood floors. At this time of the day, everyday, Isaac shows me what a mystery he is. He is the most angelic, beautiful, peaceful and charming little thing, with eyes that I want to swim about in and legs that I could bite off. But towards the end of the day, he cries so beautifully that I panic at how huge the responsibility is to be needed by something so small and so helpless. In all of my 29 years on this earth, nothing has prepared me for the magnitude of love that I feel for him. I'm drowning in it, in it's sheer immensity and unforgiving force. To the extent that I wish I didn't love him so much. My body doesn't feel designed for it, let alone prepared. I want to divide some of that love up, like a cake. For my mum, my dad, my sisters and brothers.For anyone who will willingly take him in their arms and have a taste of what this love is. Just so I can go out, take a deep breath, and get back to a more predictable, calm and solid place inside my head.A place inside my head where I know what love is and its a much easier love to understand. Just to take the weight of this force that drives me to tears. But I'm at home with him. Very much alone, yet trying to keep my chin up. Take it like a mum. At some point Im supposedly going to see the light of day when, by the miracle of the gods, im going to get used to it. Those magic words get used to it havent quite convinced me of their powers yet. Perhaps because, i dont want to get used to it. Or that I should have to get used to it. I dont want to get used to the loneliness part. Or to the part where I come down with the flu and I can't hold my baby because Im feeling so sick and I don't know who to ask for help or how, so Mr T ends up taking the afternoon off work just so I can sleep. Or the part where I feel guilty for not being a supermum. Or the part where I feel totally and utterly devestated by the notion that I can't get the help I need from family, or the part where I have to resign myself to a life where I cant follow my dreams because of that one fateful day when I played around with the idea of how nice it might be to have a baby and then before you know it, here I am, 2.30pm in the afternoon and wishing Isaac would wake up from his nap because I can't stand how silent the apartment is, and I can't stand not knowing what to do.
Tomorrow my mum and dad are coming from London to see their grandson for the first time. They'll only be staying for four days. Four days After not seeing them in over a year. I should quit complaining and try to enjoy the time that I'll have with them, right? This is what I'm supposed to get used to right?
Take it like a mum.

Tomorrow

Clean out the fridge.

Vitamin C from the pharmacy.

Listen to Bob Marley with Isaac.

Croissants for breakfast.

Wash the dishes.

Cuddle up on the sofa.

Call Mum.

Make it a good day.

Its official.

My son has a big bald head. Very buddha. Very right wing skinhead. Whichever way I look at it, its still disturbingly cute to me. As for the triple chin, the farts he makes like an old man who eats too many rich tea biscuits, and the rear end rumblings that reach 7.5 on the poop-richter scale, well, it just makes me smile.
And dry-heave all at the same glorious time.)

 

too tired to even think of a title for this post.

My baby adventures have included: going to the post office, the bank, and a couple of shops

Oh bugger.

Isaac is crying, after about the 100th round of feeding, burping and rocking.

You know what? Im just going to post this. Just to post for postings sake.

A hard week

I have been in a whirlwind of constant nappy changing, feeding and rocking to sleep that I don't know what planet I'm on, let alone what day it is. I have never watched so much daytime tv in my life. What's even more disturbing is that I have been watching Eastenders (a British soap incase some of you don't know) everyday, not realising that the same episode is repeated throughout the week. Let me reiterate what I've just said to you here- the SAME programme over and over again and NOT even realise it. That's sleep deprivation for you, messing with my brain. Even today, whilst I partially snapping out of this postpartum vegetation, I'm still watching repeats, not just of Eastenders but other programmes too! And what's more, i don't even mind it. Oh dear,maybe I shouldn't have confessed to that. Oh well, too late.
I should be trying to sleep, but I find the idea of sleeping during the day abit icky. Especially because it is 90 degrees in our apartment right now. Hot October weather driving me cuckoo. I want to go out with Isaac, I really really do, but the heat is not the inviting kind of sunny happiness. It is truly out of sync, in the same way that my hormones are. All I want to do, is take showers, one after the other. Nursing and all that it entails, has left me with the rather attractive scent of eau de spit-up which no amount of showering can take out. I have also been chained to the washing machine. Milk stained clothes, onesies, bedsheets, baby, mummy, soul. I am currently residing in a milk stained universe. As happy as I am to be able to exclusively breastfeed the little guy and see him thriving, it is still very hard work and I am still trying to master the art of whipping out the boob with abit more class and sophistication. Now though, I'm just 'boob-butting' my poor baby's head all the time whilst making sure I've got burp cloth, mobile phone, remote and water within hands reach.
As you can probably guess,there have been alot more to this mummy stint than I have been blessed in knowing, despite all that I have read and have been told about from other mothers. None of it has prepared me for just how hard it all is. Amidst all the conversations about how much it will change my life, how important it will be for me to sleep when the baby sleeps and to say goodbye to lie ins, none of it prepared me, for the heaviness that I would feel in my heart, because of the loneliness of it all. It doesn't help that I miss my family back in London, in Abu Dhabi and in Florida. They are everywhere but here where I could really do with their company and guidance. Back in the days when I was very much enjoying the independence and exhileration of moving out, living abroad, following my dreams despite the air of cultural animosity,I had no qualms about being so far from family and friends. In fact it actually improved my relationship with them. But now, I am the total antithesis of this independant woman. Being an independant mother is a whole different ball game, and one that i dont feel ready to play. Not in a foreign country. Not when I don't have a driving licence. Not when I can't speak the language very well. Not when I don't have my family for support. It's all abit too much responsibility for somebody who really didn't have a clue what responsibility was.
Sometimes, when I listen to a song on my ipod, or read back to pre baby blog entries, I get a little jolt of the energy and spirit of how I defined myself. It brings tears to my eyes, because as fast as it comes, it disappears back into the computer screen, into the lyrics, into the mirror, in lightening speed. The baby, and the marks that this has left me with physically and emotionally, have as of now, taken over in defining my thoughts, actions and feelings.
So that's where I am right now. Today, I got a phonecall from a friend, inviting me out to the park, in an attempt to get me out of the apartment with the baby. I am very grateful for the support that I have had from the friends I have here. I know that things will get better. Everytime I look at Isaac, I can't believe just how precious and beautiful he is, and that i am actually his mother. The love that I feel for him leaves me totally speechless. I hope that I can live up to taking care of this gift that I have been blessed with.

Life these days

Lots of this.
Not enough of that

and its all because of this.


Everythings abit of a blur at the moment, the life that I have recognised as being uniquely mine has come to a very loud halt. What I believe in, what I feel, what I think has absolutely no relevance to the needs of our baby. I am at his beck and call when it comes to feeding him, rocking him to sleep, changing his diapers and simply staring at him. I feel I have been brought back down to the realities of life with every step he makes to survive. He depends on me and I have never known how huge a responsibility this would be until now. The knowledge that no matter how much I feel Im not mother material, Ive still got to step up and be his mother anyway.Because that is who I am. His mother. I cant wait to feel more comfortable in this new role. I see mothers carrying their babies with so much confidence and independance, and i hope I can start feeling like this soon.
One day at a time.

This took nine months to make

On the 24th of September, at 6.35pm I gave birth to a healthy baby boy after a not so easy delivery.I'll be taking a break from my blogging for obvious reasons. Bringing this little one into the world has been the most challenging experience I have ever had, yet I know theres so much to be thankful. Anyway, before I start bawling my eyes out thanks to the hormonal hurricane Im being subjected to, Im trying now, with each step, to make my way into the world not just as Khairun, but as Isaacs mama.

Eid Mubarak

I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned this before, but I was born and raised a muslim alongside my four siblings. I didn't have the easiest time with it, what with being born in London and seeing how different my family was to those of my friends. I grew up under alot of traditional rules of behaviour, a combination of cultural and religious practice. On top of it my mother was very keen to enforce a frugal way of life. So that is, as you can imagine, a hell of alot for a 14 year-old whose life existed around wanting to have friends and fit in. I never had birthday parties, never went to the cinema, never wore jeans, never went out at night. Saturdays were spent studying the Koranic scriptures, visiting random family relatives, staying at home with my siblings and reading books from the local library. I never brought friends round because at the time, the area where we were growing up, racism and zenophobia pervaded the air with nasty comments and anti-social behaviour by groups of teenagers in the area. So my parents stuck to socialising with people from within the asian community because it just felt more comfortable and welcoming, and in a way , they probably felt like it was better all round to stay on their own turf, so to speak. Obviously, I went to a school that didn't allow such selective segregation, which of course, was great, so I had friends from all sorts of backgrounds. But as soon as the school day ended, I was back into the world that my friends were not allowed to penetrate. Alot of it because of their parents conservative attitudes, but also because of my familys decision to not be more inclusive. I wasn't strong enough at the time to be truly proud of my upbringing and had no clue that perhaps my friends would have liked to have been included in this other part of my life. So, out of my own insecurities, I found myself literally leading a double life. By not merging one into the other, i thought I was avoiding potential disaster. It just seemed like the right thing to do, for my family to not know too much about who I hung out with, what I really wanted to do with my life (be an artist, travel, not have an arranged marriage) and for my friends to not know too much about how I was brought up (not wearing the traditional clothes when I was around them, not inviting them to my house etc). The day I moved out to go to university, I cooked a traditional meal, went to my tiny student hall bedroom and ate with my right hand, some rice with lentils and vegetables. I was 19 and didnt know how to use a knife and fork because every meal that I had eaten up until that day had always been with my right hand. But because I had lead this double life for so long, I just couldnt bring myself to show this.
Ten years on, I've gone back to that lonely image of myself sitting on my bed, eating alone and I think to myself now, NEVER AGAIN am I going to keep that side of me a secret. And so I didn't. I didnt have an arranged marriage, but I had a muslim wedding. I kept Antonio out of my parents life for several years. Now i make it a point to make sure they speak to each other over the phone, and let bygones be by gones. I cook traditional food alot more and share recipes with friends. And I plan on making sure that this baby has not only a loving upbringing but a colourful one too, filled with stories about his great grandmother who to this day has never taken one step outside her village in Bangladesh, about Antonios grandfather who was a professional basketball player in the mid forties, about summers spent on Portuguese beaches, and on the otherside of the world looking out at the endless paddy fields near my mothers village. I want my little man to experience two vastly different worlds, seemingly impossible to bring together, but brought together nonetheless, down to the simple act of love between two people. There will be Christmas presents shared between him and his Portuguese cousins, and the celebration of Eid with his Bengali cousins. This will be my gift to him.
It's Eid today. I'm not with my family as much as I would like to be, but I'm wishing them well as I write this. The difference between this year and last year is that for the first time, Im talking more about it with my friends, with Antonios family and to those who have made it to the end of this very long post!

On the day a baby is born, muslim parents say a special prayer, whispered into the ear of their newborn, which protects them from harm. I may not be the most religious person in the world, but I think this is such a beautiful gesture and I am very proud to have been brought up surrounded by these intricate, delicate gestures of faith.
So I wish you all a very Happy Eid, regardless of your background. I hope that you have a lovely peaceful day with your family and friends and more importantly, that you are being kind to yourself in the best way you know how. Share something about yourself that you haven't shared before. Let people get to know you better. That's the biggest lesson I am taking from today.

Here are a few photos of that muslim wedding I fought to have. Who was the person telling me not to do it? It was me. I was my own worst enemy at the time, listening to the voice that kept saying it wasn't the right thing to do because Antonio wouldn't be accepted and it would be too difficult to do such a thing. I'm glad I didn't listen because seeing my parents meet my husband for the first time, was the happiest day of my life.

My mum would never believe I made this :)

With the most atrocious hand sewing skills that you could possibly imagine, I managed to come up with this lumpy but very squishable toy for my baby. It's called a grab ball.It's supposed to be good for developing the 'grabbing' instinct because of all the different segments that are small enough to hold on to, unlike a standard soft ball.I never once thought in a million years, that I would be able to do something like this. Despite my mother being an expert seamstress, whipping up dresses and skirts for me and my sisters as we were growing up, I just never picked up the sewing bug. We had a monster of a sewing machine at home, the big industrial kind. My mum must have used the constant whirring sounds to put me to sleep when I was a baby, and I remember being a little girl and getting totally peed off because I couldn't hear anything on the telly due to the sheer noise. I kinda feel bad now that I hadn't taken an interest in it back then, because I could have learnt so much. And not just sewing, but knitting and embroidery too. My mum did it all, whilst raising 5 kids!
Looking back and having this quiet time to think about all of this does make me feel closer to her and to my family in general. I think this is all part of the current hormonal rollercoaster ride that I'm on right now. I have been going through alot lately, in between the joyful moments of this pregnancy, Ive had my fairshare of frustration and sadness, which I probably don't let on too much as I like to hide behind my art work and general busybee self. I think I'll dedicate a future post to this subject, in the hope that it may be read by somebody else out there in the blogosphere,a new mummy or not, who may benefit from reading it. For now though, I'm off for a cheerful cup of tea and another doll making session.
Have a lovely weekend peeps!

It's oh so quiet..

Because theres no baby yet!
Having all this time at home, all this free time to do whatever I please, is abit like having Disneyland to yourself but without any of your friends to share the fun and games with.I absolutely love the time that I'm having now, I really do. I haven't had this much time from work for ages,so it feels like I'm learning the skills of being at home. It sounds strange to say that there are skills involved but i really think there are. When you go from working day in day out, and only ever getting to see your couch, your T.V your bedroom at a certain time of the day, its a real joy in knowing that there is a light that floods the livingroom around late afternoonish, that my neighbour listens to Billie Holiday on a record player in his garden which I had never known before, and that I get to sit outside on my balcony whilst it's still light which I had never done before either. I also notice how tempting housework can be, just to feel more productive. For me to feel like this in particular is a highly disturbing revelation!
But theres a downside to all this. The house is so quiet, and as much as I enjoy my time, it's a time that spreads out into an unknown point which scares me a little. It's not as if I can't go out or meet people. I can and I do. (Well maybe not quite so much now because I am after all more than 9 months pregnant and carrying quite a hefty load!)I'm starting to learn alot of things about myself, like how I communicate with my friends and how truly important creativity plays its part in keeping me sane. I never knew it before, because working took me away from all that.
The house won't be quiet for very long though, I definately don't need anybody to tell me that! So, as an example of how I have made the most of this temporary quiet time at home all by myself, I've successfully diverted my nesting instincts to the creative side of me. I have finished my second doll! She was looking like she had a fake tan. Very orange in otherwords. So I rectified it, and finished off painting her arms and the back too.


Heres how I made her:
1.I used the ruby doll pattern from oneredrobin and changed the legs. But i used it strictly for the purpose of learning how to make a basic doll shape.
2. Once I had made the doll, I applied white gesso, and sanded it down.
3. I pencil sketched the face and floral design on to the doll. Sanding it down really made it easier to draw on the cloth. I didn't know that before.
4. I then got stuck in with my acrylic paints.
5. That's it. I wanted to blanket stitch a little pocket at the back to slip in a card or something cute but I don't know how to do it. I could have embellished it with sequins and such. The possibilities are endless really. I have a hard time putting a rein on 'prettifying' things!

I should really give her a varnish but I need to find out what kind. Any ideas on this?
She will be one of my first pieces for my future future etsy shop. :)


I'm off to watch this
Have a lovely Thursday!

A new friend

waiting in the wings. She's coming along nicely, and look how lovely she looks in the morning sunlight.



And this is a little pencil drawing I made on a whim, last night. She has promptly been put on my inspiration board. There's no hiding in my studio! No more drawers of the long and forgotten!

I might be a mama today! I have an appointment with my OB later on so please forgive me if I don't blog for a few days.I may be in a very compromised position, holding a baby no less!!!
Wish me luck and a 'small hour' as they say here in Portugal.
They're a funny bunch, the Portuguese. Wonder what in the world they're talking about when they say that, eh??

Have a lovely Teusday!

It's really hard being pregnant

Fluff, three day old quiche and a mission.

Here's my mission. It's to stick to my lists. The important ones. Since I do so many of them to start off with.I tend to do them in the wee hours of the night, not able to sleep because of disturbing visions of Oprah in a lime green velour tracksuit telling me to get my life sorted out pronto in front of an audience who all look like my mother. I have notebooks in different parts of my home (in other words, I dont know where they are), each assigned with their own mission which is to sort out every possible idea in my brain before it mutates into pointless questions like 'Why do we have drawers filled with pens that don't work?' or a suggestion like "Why don't I inspect some fluff under my bed? It might be fun!"
Kills it there and then.
I might decide that the small pink book given to me by a family friend for Christmas, will be solely for notes related to my art vibes. But then, in the middle of it, I see a list of what I need to pack for the hospital.
The need to make lists seep into my psyche like Oprah does. Like a sudden urge to itch when nobodys looking or a momentary lapse in thinking when I decide that eating three day old quiche whilst 9 months pregnant might suddenly be a very pleasant thing to do.
But my latest list has actually worked. It has risen above the mindnumbing mental chit chat, stood tall in a potential minefield of thoughts that puts precedence on ironing underwear above making pretty stuff.
And now, I can say with conviction; Ive been making the pretty stuff and mentally hauling out the need to inspect fluff.

Heres a picture of my next doll. Can't wait to show you peeps the final result.



I'm tres tres excited about it!

Off to have breakfast now. Strictly no eggs for me. Wonder why eh??
Enjoy your Sunday!

09/09/09 at 9am

Baby might not have popped out yet

but I have given birth to the planner in me. Yes, that's right. Khairun is going start planning her creative routine and no amount of dirty dishes and an empty fridge is going to distract her from this mission. Perhaps it was the Carte d'or chocolate chip icecream with fresh raspberries that I ate last night. Upon revealing this to him, Mr T has confiscated all my icecream for fear that I may give birth to a giant Mars Bar on speed and not our wonderfully gorgeous superboy. And he explained this very passionatly to me whilst licking out the last remaining remnants of heaven from the tub. Torture.
Anyway, heres a list of what I am going to be up to. At least until the baby arrives by which point I'm pretty sure my planning euphoria will boil down to sleep deprived survival techniques.

So here it is. The big plan

1. I'm going to do this. I'm all alone at home with my sewing machine. No excuses this time. I will follow the main pattern but give it a Khairun twist.
Update: I made the doll! I. MADE. THIS. DOLL. I'm so chuffed with myself that I could do a little pregnancy dance. I could but I probably won't.


2. Try to make Flickr like me. Put up all my artwork there, the good the bad and the pants. So far, I have a measly two.
3. Take a self-styled Etsy shop business course. I've even got my own notebook for it. Here it is.



4. Keep updating my blog. Which is what I am doing now so there's one thing on the list I'm doing.

5. Make more quiche for friends because it makes them happy. Did my first one today with the help of a friend's recipe.

6. Save my garden from looking like Death Valley. And currently it is.

7. Take baths. Have massages. Finish reading this. And relax God damn it!


Back to the doll making. BYE!

My voodoo and a story about big knickers

I definately was not intending for my blue lady to look so evil-looking, but hey ho, just gotta go whichever way the wind blows. I've tried to keep in mind the idea of reworking on something until it's just right. So despite the end result of this latest project of mine, I can take it as a learning lesson rather than as absolute failure. Consigned to a drawer labelled 'Things I Will Never Bother Doing Again Because It Turned Out To Be Pants'. Yes, admit it reader(s). You know you have a drawer with the same purpose. So I have decided to cleanse myself of all the creative half hearted efforts this drawer has contained over the last few years and pinned alot of them up on a board right in front of my workspace. Im remindef of a feeling similar to that of hanging out a pair of big old knickers for all to see, flapping away in all its pale pink glory. Now, the obvious matter in this case would be to realise that I really need to buy nice knickers, but at the same time they are still my knickers and I need to own the fact that I do like wearing them. Lots of comfort. 100% cotton. Roomy. Good to do Yoga in. Anyway, What Im trying to say by using my big knickers as a metaphor, is that seeing my creative efforts for what it is, in front of me, really shows me the common thread in my work which is a great insight and a reassurance that I'm not so all over the place creatively as I often think I am. I can see what I can do well and what I need to work on. But I can also see where I should be taking my work. It's all about being true to yourself. And the best way to do this is to open that drawer and bring it all out into the open. Three years of work that I should celebrate, no matter how oddball or dissatisfied I might be with them. It is still me. And I love my oddball tendencies.
Big knickers are cool.

This is a girl

who used to be camera-shy. Not anymore though. You get to a certain age where you just don't give a hoot how ridiculously superficial you become. (Sandra-I hope you don't mind me posting this without your permission, but its such a lovely picture of you that I couldn't resist the temptation)


who, every year, missed the annual village fête near our weekend hideout in Atalaia, a tiny parish situatued along Lisbons coastline.


who used to think that you need to be the best in what you do. But simply being good enough, is a much more realistic goal.

Hope you are having a lovely weekend folks!

I got myself out of the slump

and worked on a small piece, making use of my watercolours and inks. I like the way this has turned out.

 

I took a long hard look

at my blog and I decided that it really needed a tidy up. I've heard that during late pregnancy, women have an uncontrollable need to clean, arrange, colour coordinate and label-anything to feel a sense of order and serenity. Well, in my case that same hormonal desire,whilst certainly running havoc in my ovaries, hasn't exactly pushed me towards a mega cleaning marathon. But it has given me enough highs to plough through my favourites and jazz up my blog. And boy, did it take a long time or what. Updating links, adding new categories, reading up on other blogs for inspiration. All done during my peak nesting times. Though blogging might not help stock up on nappies, or get me thinking on the necessity for a room themometre or a baby wipe warmer,it does keep me grounded in all the sky high emotions of having a baby. And it makes me happy too, in the mere knowing of what it is that makes me happy, what keeps me ticking, if that makes sense. I have said to myself time and time again, that I would like to open an online shop. A part of me kept stalling on it because of lack of time to produce more work, lack of inspiration, lack of confidence, and lack of knowledge in making my work into a business of some sort. This is my mind talking here. And a talking mind is a huge obstacle to overcome. Having a baby might just be the key in making me a stronger person to just do it. Or not. Either way, I've still just got to do it. And I will take advantage of the time I have to be at home now to do it. Wish me luck!




In the meantime, here is a picture of food. What a surprise eh? Last nights attempt at eating small portions failed miserably when friends of ours decided not to bring just one giant quiche, but two. Plus a salad with my very own special dressing, and all of it eaten up on our balcony. My way of enjoying the last handful of summer evenings.
After all that food I felt I needed to be airlifted by helicopter afterwards. I have to control my eating!

Me, a mirror, and my little wonderboy

 

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear from Gabe Askew

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear from Gabe Askew on Vimeo.

My heart is all mushed up after watching this about 10 times. Mr Magoo also has another name in honour of this occasion; Mr Grizzly Magoo.

Off to have a shower before the neighbours start calling the local authorities due to a strange whiff.
Just kidding OF COURSE! I'm still maintaining personal hygeine. Whilst walking around my apartment in big underpants and a tank top with the air conditioning revved up to the max. I'm supposed to be resting but all I feel like doing is to walk in and out of rooms and torture myself with what I need to do to make everything look spick and span.
Three more weeks. THREEEEEE MOREE WEEEEEKKSSS!

This is to blame

for having gained another 3 kilos in just over a month. Spinach tagliatelle with roasted tomatoes, aubergine and large helpings of ricotta cheese. Me and Mr Magoo likey likey very very much.

 

Fire bird

 

 

 

Maternity leave has officially started!

And what better way to spend the day than wash lots and lots of teeny tiny baby clothes, set up the bassinet for the first few months of Mr Magoos life ( I have now decided to call him Mr Magoo whenever the mood strikes me. I hope to God this child of mine doesn't develop issues because of his mothers obsession for pet names) and the most essential thing of all which I have proudly ticked off my todo list: a crocheted mobile. Well, it consists of different coloured crocheted circles hanging off bits of string from the ceiling lamp. I will post a picture of it. Just not now. Since I don't have one yet. But tomorrow morning, and when I say morning I mean probably around 7 since that has been my current abnormal behaviour these days. My daily dash to the loo. Mr Magoo is making his way down and he needs space! Enough said. So a picture of my mobile-type-thingy will be coming hot off the press. tomorrow. Lukewarmish.

Last day at work!

and then the loooonnnng road ahead of me, filled with all sorts of mysterious twists and turns. Plenty of Dr Phil, unscheduled naps here and there, attempting to knit. Resisting the mammoth urge to eat spoonfuls of nutella at 4 in the morning.
On a different note, I am trying in vain to get along with my scanner. I finished a piece recently and I really want to scan the damn thing rather than take a blurry camera shot of it. I managed doing it with the ultrasound picture but I can't remember how I did it.
The baffling world of Khairun. I never cease to amaze myself.

My pain threshold has been officially tested

by the infamous leg cramp. It is what footballers get actually. I guess that is the only thing I have in common with Christiano then. Which is a shame since I would rather have in common a molecule of his current bank balance. And an autograph for my nephew. I spent most of this morning in bed sounding like my vacuum cleaner in a bad mood. Which sounds abit like this: ghhbbheehhhhhhhhaaaaaeeeeee!!!!!!!! Followed by the frantic plea to 'rub my leg, rub my leg RUB IT NOWWWW!!!!!!', putting Mr T in a clear state of shock because of waking him out of a dream where a vacuum cleaner was chasing him down the streets and screaming ghhbbeehhhaaaaaaaa!
So with my feet propped up and feeling like I just want to roll over and pass out for a few blissful YEARS I took the day off work, much to the delight of my boss who is now having to find a way of doing my classes.
Hoping tomorrow will be better.

He may be asleep

but he certainly wouldnt miss a photo opportunity.

The abandoned blog

I dont know why I cant just get off my backside and pay more attention to this blog of mine. Oh wait, I know why. My little bubba is now a very big bubba which means getting off my backside requires an effort of Herculean proportions. Getting out of bed is another daily source of amusement for my husband too. Once I start my maternity leave I will get back on track with this blog and a million other things on my crazy nesting inspired to do list.
Being damn huge does have its perks though. I do get to play the pregnancy card for alot of useful things like jumping cues and having bags carried for me. At work I have taken plenty of snack breaks throughout the day, and a designated space in the office to put my feet up. The joys of pregnancy! Im fortunate enough to have alot of support from my colleagues at work.

Anyway, it is only a matter of time now before my life, and Mr Ts, is turned upside down and inside out and back to front by our bubba. I have a 4D image of him which, when I get round to it, I will scan and post on this abandoned blog, taken hostage by a whole lotta babytalk and not enough art!

New thing Im doing... YOGA! Loving it at the moment. Gets me stretched in all the right places!

Wouldn't it be nice

to put my feet up and see this. This was taken from the balcony of our hotel room in the Maldives.
How I'm feeling right now: Calm yet quietly anticipating the imminent arrival of our little one
What I'm doing right now: Organising things around the house, contemplating the six months I'll be taking off work very very soon
What I should be doing right now: Getting Miss Wizard packing and ready to go! Making lunch and getting ready for work!

 

Room with a View

Missing my home, my family and friends these days. Most of it down to the pregnancy I'm sure. It's only a matter of weeks now. Last night we bought diapers,a baby bathtub and teeny tiny socks. Still haven't got much clue as to how much more we need, but just trying to focus on what will make our lives a little bit easier for the first month or so. My doctor took one look at my belly and said what everybody else has been saying: YOU'RE HUGE! She thinks I might need to be induced around the beginning of September if he keeps growing at this rate. I have total faith in her and having the baby earlier than planned will just give me more of my maternity leave to be with him, rather than waiting for him and getting fatter in the process. It's all very very exciting. I can and cannot wait to be a mamma. One part of me wants him to stay in me belly, all snug and secure. Another part of me wants him OUT so that I can stop waddling around like a duck and fluffing a dozen cushions just to sit comfortably. Not digging the belly meets upper thighs when I sit down either.My skin has been good to me though. Thanks to genetics I guess. My mum has beautiful skin and she didn't get any stretch marks with all 5 pregnancies! I'll be happy not to get any just with my first.
Feeling abit tired now. I have been painting sporadically, but as you can probably guess, the whole baby thing has been a slight distraction to say the least. I will post my latest painting over the weekend.
Gotta go. Have a lovely day!

 

Zaitoon

In Arabic she's an olive. And a very special olive too because she's my baby sister and she got married over the weekend, so shes not such a baby anymore. I tried my very best to distract myself with other things just so that I wouldn't get too sad about not being there. But it was a difficult task let me tell you. Being 31 weeks pregnant (only 9 weeks to go!) my hormones are currently in a 24 hour rave. Theres just no let up with the feelings of elation and downright despair! I was devastated that I couldn't go.
But I take heart in the knowledge that my beautiful sister is out there in the world, doing her thing, strutting her stuff, and making the people around her happy, just by being happy herself. She literally organised our entire wedding last year back home in London without any hint of regret, since it was all a very last minute affair (a long and winding road of a story!)That was the last time I saw her. Can't wait to see her again, and hopefully it will be during my maternity leave from September.
Enjoy your honeymoon sis!

 

Giveaway results

Thankyou Erika and Alexia for commenting on last weeks giveaway. After much deliberation this morning over a cuppa tea and Antiques Roadshow, Miss Wizard will be winging its way to both of your lovely homes! Email me your address and I shall have her ready to go.

Im gonna put this picture up where I can see it

So that I can remind myself of my true hot mama qualities. Right now Im hot, but in the sweaty sense. Swollen feet included. I got this lovely gift from Natalie. A late birthday gift. Late birthday gifts are great because just when you think your day to celebrate has long gone, you suddenly get a couple more gifts waiting in the woodworks. So it was a lovely surprise. Thanks Nat!
I am still waiting for a few more people to take part in my giveaway! Where are you folks?! Perhaps Miss Wizard is alittle scarier than I had expected. Well, she remains in my studio and she will not stop asking me where she's going on Friday. Wherever it is, Im sure she will be looked after well. :)

 

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...

Look at my delicious cake. Professionally photographed too!

There has been a cloud hanging over us at work these last few weeks. Unprecedented changes has led to a general sense of doom and gloom. Cake. Just what the doctor ordered. Chocolate raspberry pavlova. Not as pretty as Nigellas, mine collapsed as soon as i took it out of the oven, but it went down a treat! I have made this a couple of times already and it makes people smile. That makes me smile too.

Alright alright, here's what it really looked like, run over by a lorry it seems.

More of my cavewoman antics

I really liked the way this one turned out. Very Japanese. Very zen. Very cavewoman. Very me.

Giveaway reminder: Don't forget to comment on my giveaway post if you wish to have a chance of eternal friendship with the Wizard. Despite all the rope twirling business, she's fairly sane really.

The Wizard - Giveaway

Here is a little something that escaped from the confines of my head. Its not pretty up there, what with all the pregnancy induced mush currently taking over. This little wizard clearly had enough, so with the help of a rope, and some ingenious sorcery, she did a runner! And aren't I thankful or what as I just couldnt handle all that hocus pocus malarky. If you are interested in giving her a home, preferably framed and sitting very nicely on a shelf or dresser somewhere which should keep her happy, then just leave a comment. I will pick a name on the 17th July which is a Friday.

Note: Just to let you know, sometimes your comment may not appear as swiftly as you and I would like, but if you stare at the picture, whisper the magic words 'what a big head you have' and then click on refresh, your comment will magically appear!
If this fails, then you can also leave your comment via email which I will happily include in the final draw.

Good luck!

Huge would be the operative word

And here I am feeling like i have a watermelon strapped to my stomach. That dress happens to be the most comfortable thing I have worn since I started expanding in all directions. I have had to finally scour my way through the infamous maternity wear departments across much of Portugal. Shame we dont have GAP here. Ive heard great things about their line for mamas to be. The dress was from H&M so the pricetag was well within my budget.



I had a great week off, spending it at the beach (that viewpoint from under the sun umbrella was mine for quite a number of relaxing days) collecting rocks and then painting on them, like a cavewoman. I also used my pocket watercolour set to do some sketches whilst I was there, alfresco style. I felt like abit of an artisan, totally absorbed, blocking out the world around me except the sound of the waves and the gentle seabreeze. It was an interesting exercise in general too since I was out of my normal studio surroundings and learning instead to take my creativity outside. Something that can be both awkward yet exhilarating at the same time. It felt pretty good.

I managed to finish a couple of watercolour pieces too, one of which I will give away this month as a print. I will write about it tomorrow. In the meantime, have a look at this blog by my friend Natalie. She's a young artist living in London and is about to launch her etsy shop . Her work ranges from some lovely mixed media work to intricate jewelry design. I wish you lots of luck in your new venture Nats!

Drifting along

like a feather. Well not quite, but the weather today has been absolutely wonderful. We couldn't take the stifling heat in Lisbon so we legged it to our little house by the sea. Bought myself a book on yoga and an encyclopedia on mythology. Making the most of my pocket watercolour set too. Right now I can't show you any pics until we head back to Lisbon on Sunday (left my usb cable at home). But I thought I would post something about my day regardless.

I will be giving away one of my watercolour pieces this month. Spreading the love! More information on this when I get back from my hazy lazy break. Until then, cheerio!

Birthday Girl

Beautiful gifts from my beautiful husband. Art materials to remind me of who I am, a gorgeous vase and a pretty little ring which I will photograph once I do my nails! Cant be wearing the ring with grubby nails could I?

A lovely start to the day. Hope yours was too.

My Greenbird

I'm going to be 29 tomorrow! Planning on making myself a yummy birthday cake,order a few books from Amazon and get some art supplies courtesy of Mr T. To be honest, I haven't put much thought to what I would do this year, since this year has been all about the bulge. The most important thing for me to celebrate right now, is that I'm in a happier state of mind despite the stressed out rant here and there. I'd say my current slouching spot these days is in a very positive and gentle place. Not as exhilerating as being on top of a mountain, more of a balcony overlooking a lake, with a cup of tea and a book by my side, and my hand on my belly.

I finished this piece yesterday evening. Trying to enjoy the process rather than worrying about the end result. I find I'm alot more productive and freer that way. Hope you like it! I'm planning to do a series of these strange, mysterious figures. Let's see how it goes. In the meantime, I still have a nursery to wrap up!

Calm after the storm..

I am finally starting to sleep better! Taking a week off work has done wonders for me. Im feeling heavier, the feet are bearing the brunt of it, but as long as I can sleep I don't care about the rest.
I think my boy has decided to park his backside in a more agreeble spot so I feel alot more comfortable now. I can't forget that he has his own 9 month plight to endure too, what with him having increasingly limited room to shimmy in there. It means that I feel him nudging me alot more, to the point where I have to stop midway through things, stunned into the sheer marvel that there is something moving about inside of me. And stunned by the sudden urge to pee when he plonks onto my bladder too. Can't get too deep and meaningful when that happens.
At the beginning of the pregnancy I did mention that I found this all to be one big elaborate science project with me being the guinea pig, the only difference being is that Im a far bigger guinea pig now.But that's not to say I'm completely disconnected to this whole motherhood ride. I think this little fellas cool! He clearly knows what he's doing, whilst his own mother quietly awaits, with no clue as to what to do with this new found responsibility and change in her life. Speaking of which, i am frightened by how much I won't know until he arrives. Theres just no way of knowing what to expect. He could have a personality of his own that I'll be totally unprepared for. One that might knock me for six. I just don't know. And the not knowing drives me peanuts.
I have had an abundance of advice on the matter, some very helpful and insightful, others a little scary and have since dismissed.Each parent to their own. I want to be able to take the 'flow' approach, meaning the 'dealing with things as they arise'. I will always remember a very smart observation a friend of mine gave to me which was to see that in all of this, me and Mr T are number 1 in the priority list and not the boy. I don't want to appear like a know-it-all when I don't, but I value my relationship and our 7 years prior to this. Neither of us want to forget that. So we want to travel as much as we can with him, make a point of doing the things we enjoyed doing before without any excuses,and ignore the comments that we'd better make the most of the time we have now. Most of these comments, from what I understand, come from frazzled parents who may have bitten off more than they could chew, putting their offspring before themselves. Common dialogue between parents who find the stresses and strains of people with no children, absolutely laughable. Whatever. A simple 'You'll love it' is alot more reassuring for a newbie like me, than comments highlighting what an idiot I am to even consider the idea of having a life. I want to feel encouraged and supported, doesn't everybody?







These are the latest pictures of the nursery which is coming along just nicely. We decided to go on a tight budget, spending as little as we could so that we can have pennies in the bank for future holidays abroad. The armoire was originally storage for bedding and towels and now its all for the boy. We bought this fab and supercheap crib from Ikea, bedding included. The curtains are also from Ikea. The little bedside table was originally left behind by the people that used to live in this apartment and the lamp is from Mr T's mothers home. We are going to add an old armchair to the room, a few framed pieces on the wall, make my own mobile. and do the finishing touches on the mural. I'm really happy with it so far. It was just as I had imagined it to be.






Elsewhere we are converting a spare room on the same floor as our temporary bedroom, instead of climbing the stairs to our actual loft bedroom. Here it is so far. I framed an old calendar print of a Gaughin piece and those books are gonna have a decent set of shelves to live in at some point. Anything to make it look like our little lovenest (and accessible panicroom incase I want to flee from exploding diapers and such) Our loft bedroom, in the meantime will be sealed off from all kinds of dribble and drool and gaga sounds. Our sanctuary away from our insane decision to pop out some babies before we die.
Its all good.

Not a good week...

Post six months pregnant and Im really feeling the days drag. I am now suffering from the famous sleepless nights syndrome. My ribs feel like they are at breaking point as the baby gets bigger and bigger. Eeek. Plus I got a good telling off from my doctor because of my recent sugar cravings, thus rapid weight gain. I cannot wait to start my maternity leave soon. The heat combined with getting to work everyday is a tough cookie to bite. Plus it does take me away from this dear blog and my little painting adventures. The mornings that are not spent doing this are taken over by much needed lie ins as I normally end up falling asleep by 6 or 7 in the morning. The expanding ribs and not being able to sleep on my front or back has not been my cup of tea over the last couple of weeks.
And the cherry on top of all of this? My sisters getting married in 3 weeks time and I didn't get the all clear from both doctor and hubby to be there. I would be more than 7 months pregnant at that point and my doc didn't fancy the idea of me going into labour alone, on Easyjet. But it's my sisters wedding!!!
I would normally console myself with a large portion of strawberry cheesecake but I have to make do with some dried apricots instead. Not quite the same level of satisfaction, but well, doctors orders.

Pregnancy is not being much fun for me right now. How do millions of women do it???

Big ol' belly

I was seriously not intending to abandon blogging for as long as I have done, but I was out of town on a much needed week long break with the hubby and the sudden growth spurt of my little one has kinda distracted me big time, physically and mentally. I'm getting out of breath more ofteh, tired and just in an all round achy-whingy mood. Mr T is my angel though. In between watching his dvd collection of the Sopranoes he has treated me to lots of shoulder massages and reminding me of how bloomin fabulous I look. All in all, a good plan for husbands with achy-whingy wives. We spent the week with lots of home cooking, comfort style, reading plenty,beating Mr T in Monopoly (we found a 1954 edition covered in cobwebs in the back of a cupboard)and just having lots of quiet time together by the sea ,since thats all gonna be pretty much over in 3 and a half months time!)
Worked on the nursery today. Looking very bright and cheerful so far. I also got a little treat waiting for me in the mailbox from Sofia. One of her pretty wallpaper necklaces. Very whimsy and playful. If I weren't feeling so hefty I could probably see myself wearing it with a pale pink floaty number and jump up and down like the girl in the Lacoste perfume ad.

Hope all of you have a great day today, whatever you may be doing.I will try and enjoy my first day back at work from the break much bigger than I was when I left. Wish me luck!

muffin-fuelled hard work

Busy painting the nursery with my tree design, but had to put my feet up now and then as they were starting to really ache. Weather out here is getting really hot, so needless to say, my feet were making it loud and clear that they were not happy about it.
My muffins were a treat. Primariy for me of course. Carrot and apple with raisins, cinammon, coconut, almond and...omg I can't believe I put all of that in it. Anyway, it was yummy. It would have been a disservice to my cup of tea if I hadn't made them.

a little plant

white acrylic ink on kraft paper.

 

do you think he looks like me?

If you look really really closely, you might be able to work out a distinctive wink. Or maybe not.In fact its just a blurry sepia-coloured image of his squishy face in the top right-hand corner. And it is indeed a bouncing baby boy! Because he sure knows how to bounce! Especially after a second helping of Lindt dark chocolate with orange and almonds..mmmmm After the bouncing action he sleeps like a rock. Guess all that sugar knocks him out. Check out the sublime scanning alignment of the photo. Brings tears of joy to my eyes, just looking at it.

 

latest cause for concern: Lindt orange dark chocolate

Today we bought our baby stroller! A very momentous occasion indeed if I don't say so myself. I've had to restrain myself from wanting to take it for a test run around the neighbourhood but Mr T, quite rightly, informed me that I would look mentally unstable if I did that. So I've had to make do with practicing how fast I can fold it up ( about 7 seconds..woohoo!) It's not one of those stroillers you need a driving licence for, no aerodynamic lightweight NASA certified poop-proof smugness about it. It didn't put a humungous dent in our bank balance either. A year and a half of saving (which meant downgrading on my shampoo and conditioner, using the same mascara for 15 years and giving up, once and for all, those lame reasons for a 'quick pop' into Mango)all going towards the miniature version of me and Antonio. Almost sounds like a freak science accident, set to escape the laboratories in September and invade our world in drool and poop and and a cute little sailor outfit (Mr T doesn't know about the latter of course. That would just finish him off for sure)

On a completely different subject to which I was'nt clever enough to link well to, over at Sofia Barão's blog, she is doing a fabulous giveaway of one of her charming necklaces. She's Portuguese and lives in Paris where she works as an artist. Her work ranges from some beautiful abstract paintings, sublime photography and pretty jewelry. I'm not in the slightest bit jealous at all... WHERES MY CHOCOLATE!!!! Just go to the link above and take part. I certainly have. :)

My rock

Found it in the Algarve a couple of weeks ago. And now I have adopted it as my rock.

The end result

this is what makes me late for work

Breakfast in front of the telly.

Everything's growing around here

and Im not just talking about our flowers (or my dental bills..eek.Wish I was in the U.K taking advantage of FREE dental for pregnant ones..grrrrr!). Those green trousers are the only pair that are willing to cooperate with me these days. Even when I sit down, they dont ride up into never-never land. Hooray for floaty tops though. Theyre all over the place this spring, making it ever so easy for me to find something comfy and pretty at the same time.

And heres my sketch for the painting in the nursery! I really like the colours and I cannot wait to get started on it, which will hopefully be next week after our Wednesday scan. It's almost been two months since we've seen him. Still convinced it's a chico, but after Wednesday, all shall be revealed!

Planning ahead...

I have been meaning to post my first water colour piece but I don't have access to my laptop right now. So no shifty camera work for today.
Lots of inspiring things fluttering about in my head (not to mention Mr Watermelon. He's doing cartwheels in response to my recent indulgence in carrot cake, and other things that would make my doctor tut tut rather alot). I am trying to figure out a way of having a few prints of my work sorted for friends and family, squeezing in lots of reading on starting an Etsy shop, and exciting conversations with friends who want to change the world.Or at least their own world. It's great having supportive people around you and none more so than your very own friends. I can't wait to get cracking on a few more pieces, start planning the wall painting in the nursery and finish my crochet baby blankets.
If there is anybody who can give me advice on making art prints I would be oh so grateful, whether I should get it done with a home printer, at a printer shop or an online service, as well as the best choice of paper, do let me know. Thankyou!

Will post those images soon, including a bonus belly pic!
Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

All my life

is not enough time to spend with you.

 

 

Sandy Mastroni

I love this woman's work! Here are just a tiny example of some really beautiful pieces. I love her use of colours and textures, and the way she juxtaposes the disturbing (see her baby face dolls) with the magical. You can see more of her work in her blog and her shop, where she is doing a fabulous sale!

New piece

Thought I would post pictures of what Im working on at the moment. Inspired by the sketches Ive done recently.
Im using watercolour inks and hahnemuhle watercolour paper. Its the first time Im using ink and I have to say, its a hell of alot easier to use than acrylics or goauche. And I cant be inhaling oil paints on a daily basis now.Doctors orders.
Its Mr Ts birthday today! He took the morning off work and for the first time he felt the melon kicking away. I think it was the melons way of saying Happy Birthday Papa!
Scan in two weeks time. At bloomin last. No amount of croissant consumption and Oprah could make the wait feel shorter. Fatter though? Probably definately YES.

 

Weekend obsession

 

With the help of my Mr Ts four year old nephew Daniel (the little squiggle on the bottom right). This required alot of back-bending and scrunchy-eyed concentration. Well worth the effort. I felt my creativity having a good kick up the bum. i never realised how much I missed drawing until I finished this. Happy is me.
Hope you had a lovely weekend!

A teensy weensy peek

Two new sketches. Im on quite a bit of a sketch run arent I? Let's see if I can rise to the challenge of a polished final piece. Minus the coffee cup rings and smudged eraser marks.

 

And the winner is....

Natalie!
One signed Khairun original!

The Birdcatcher

A quick watercolour, pen and pencil sketch in my brand spanking new moleskine sketchpad. I will start scanning the images so that I can present them better on the blog. For now however, Im going to have to make do with bad angles and lighting.

Homers long lost cousin from Mexico

Back to doodling again. Im on a mission. The mission is to draw girls with extraodinarily gigantic heads and yellow skin. Funnily enough, my creative fancies are back from their long vacation on the moon. I must have enticed them somewhat with my increased activities in the kitchen. Since I'm eating so much. Had a go at making my very first batch of parathas this weekend.ONE WORD. CLARIFIED BUTTER. HEAVEN......The after effects of having my cooking expert of a friend staying this month has left all my hand towels smeared in turmeric (and for those who know, turmeric stains are absolute hell to take out)the smell of garlic wafting down the streets of our neighbourhood.
I'm getting bigger by the week, and yet I'm still not sure how much of it is food and how much of it is our bubba. Anyhows, I'm feeling good these days. Reorganised my studio again ( for the 10th time). Still want to make sure I have my own space amongst all the preparations for the baby. I'm also planning on doing a wall mural in the nursery. Something verging on earthy and natural. I will reveal my plans very soon!

Have a smashing week people.